Bored Females Excited For Televised Wedding

Females around the world, with absolutely nothing better to do, can barely contain their excitement for the Royal Wedding that will take place tomorrow.

However, according to a YouGov poll of British women, 86% of them said they do not envy Kate Middleton. 86%.

86%.

A pothead analyst from Southern California studied the results of the poll and concluded that 96% of the women surveyed lied.

If you would like to know more about the wedding you can purchase The Royal Wedding for Dummies.

Air Traffic Controllers Given Longer Naps by FAA

Air traffic controllers will now be allowed to take 9 minute naps the FAA said on Sunday. This is one minute longer than the previous nap times were for controllers.

"I'm really happy for the extra minute of napping." Said one controller as he tucked himself into his sleeping bag.

The FAA also announced that the controllers would now be given 8 ounces of apple juice and a small snack as well.

"These guys get really sleepy after staring at those green flashing screens for so long. It's about time we gave them a snack and longer naps!" Shouted Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood on Sunday before lifting off in a helicopter.